Power to the People
by BluePard
Summary: Pirates inspire both fear and admiration. Grand Line artists recently found a unique way of dealing with both: yaoi doujinshi based on the Wanted lists.


Disclaimer: Oda owns it.  
Yaoi doujinshi are fancomics pairing guys with guys. But if you didn't know that, you probably won't find this funny.

Sanji blinked and turned around, to another round of giggles. This was very strange. When Sanji and girls got together, the giggles were usually coming from him.

He waved a hand at them experimentally. They ducked down with a screech.

This was probably good. No, wait. It was attention from women. Definitely good.

"Ladies," Sanji strode towards them, but they leapt up and ran away, leaving him alone with his lack of pootang pouty face.

"Hurry up, Sanji," said Usopp. Sanji took a last forlorn look over his shoulder and obliged.

They had just arrived in port, and were looking at the usual--swords, food, contraptions, medicine and food again. Robin and Nami had wandered off towards the bookstore, after threatening them repeatedly with bodily harm should they start any trouble.

"Ooo, what's this?"

"Meat!"

"Worthless..."

"Can I see?"

...giggle...

Sanji whirled in a blur. He'd definitely heard that. All thoughts of provisions aside, he snuck through the stalls and sidled down alleyways until he found the source of the enticing, tinkling laughter: hormonal teenagers.

"What are you doing?" said Zoro, three inches from Sanji's ear. Sanji jumped. "Mind your own business, Alfalfa-head!" Sanji kicked at Zoro, but too late; the girls had run off again with a few "Oh my god!"s.

No luck, no luck at all.

Zoro wandered into the store the girls had left, frowning. "Friggin' harpies,"

"Watch your shitty mouth!"

"Make me."

The shopkeeper glanced over her paper. "Quiet down, boys."

Zoro and Sanji's attempts to start a two-man world war were interrupted by the others arriving.

"...there's no meat here."

"What's this stuff?" Usopp pulled a few things off the shelf. "Magazines?"

Before he could examine it, someone pulled it out of his hands. "You shouldn't look at those, people will start to wonder about you."

"Huh? Robin?"

"How is it," said Nami, hands on hips, "that you managed to get here before us?"

"It's fate, Nami-saaaan!"

"What do you mean, wonder about me?" Usopp peeked at what Robin was looking at and froze.

Robin laughed, very lightly.

"Is that--" Usopp stared. "That can't be."

"You think so? They've gotten Zoro's clothes wrong, but, otherwise, it's quite close."

Zoro looked over. "What do you mean, my clothes?"

"Can I see?"

"This is not for reindeer," said Usopp. "I don't know who it's for, but definitely not--"

"Lemme see, lemme see," Luffy bounced in front of Usopp. "Hey! It's Zoro and Sanji!"

The others looked over.

"And they're kissing! Hehe."

"WHAT?"

They all crowded around Robin, who helpfully flipped a few pages to show that kissing wasn't all they were doing.

"Oh, they're making babies," said Chopper dismissively, "But wait -- why are they making babies when men and men can't make babies?"

"Well, when a man and a man love each other very much and are very drunk--" Usopp was cut off by a kick in the back of the head from Sanji.

"This isn't funny!" Sanji was halfway to tears, biting on a handkerchief. "Those girls, those girls think--"

"No wonder, with the way you're acting." said Zoro quietly. Blows were exchanged. Usopp recovered and began telling Luffy and Chopper that men could in fact have babies, he'd seen it in the jungles of Aljamar when he was ten.

"Is that true?!" Chopper gaped.

"No," said Nami, from the back of the store.

"Hey, I saw it with my own eyes! This was because a giant gray ogre had declared that women and men were different species, and forced them to separate. I went to his cave, and I said--"

"Ah, here's Usopp," said Robin quietly, behind them.

"What?!" Usopp scrambled over, started to look, turned away, hid behind Robin's back and finally peeked over her shoulder.

"What'd you say to the ogre?" Luffy pouted. "Hey, Usopp."

"It's a lovely drawing." She laughed quietly. "You look pretty."

Usopp mumbled, "That's true but--"

"--but--"

"--but WHY are people I've never met drawing me naked?!" Usopp reared back, clutching his head and screaming the question to the heavens. He didn't leave God time to answer, squirming back down and yanking the book out of Robin's hands. He flopped onto his rear and began flipping back and forth through the pages, mumbling to himself in high and low tones. Luffy ambled over, bow-legged.

Luffy pointed to a picture. "Hey, is that me? Hehe, I'm naked!"

"It's not funny!" screamed Usopp, all pointy teeth.

"Now it's not funny," said Zoro.

They were silenced by a pair of books being slammed down on the counter. Nami glared at them, exasperated. "What do you expect them to do?"

"...eh?"

Nami waved her arms. "They live in fear all the time, of pirates, of corrupt marines, of even the goddamn weather--" She slammed her hand down again. "They want a little control. That's all. A few fantasies."

The boys looked up at her with awkward silence, except for the tiny voice of Usopp saying, "But I'm _naked_."

"Who cares," Zoro finally broke the tension, swaggering out with a hand at his swords. "None of it's real, I don't give a damn."

"So, you won't mind if I get these too," Nami slapped a few of the comics down by her purchases.

Zoro lost his cool facade. "What are you doing that for?!"

"Ahhh, Nami-shwan has such a healthy libido"

"Why are you still fangirling for her?"

"Who's fangirling, shithead?"

Nami happily bought her reading amidst the sounds of fighting.

"Naked..."

"Can we eat now?"

"If I may make one teeny suggestion for whoever draws these?" Nami smiled devilishly and leaned across the counter. "Why limit it to pirates? I can think of a Marine who'd be perfect for this sort of thing..."

Tashigi tripped over her own feet as a building behind her exploded into splinters.

"Captain Smoker! What happened to that bookstore?"

Smoker eyed the wreckage around him and coolly inhaled from his cigars. "...hand must've slipped."


End file.
